


By Default

by dire_quail



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Gen, Gender Exploration, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Gender Questioning Light Hope, Mara POV, Non-Binary Light Hope, Other, Pre-Relationship, Worldbuilding, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 23:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30029799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dire_quail/pseuds/dire_quail
Summary: Light Hope overhears a conversation that Mara has with an old friend and has some questions for her afterward. Gender feelings ensue.Alternately: Mara introduces Light Hope to the concept of writing off personal projects as work expenses. Gender feelings ensue.
Relationships: Light Hope/Mara (She-Ra)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	By Default

**Author's Note:**

> I've been meaning to write a fic with a non-binary Light Hope, so... here it is. 
> 
> As a disclaimer: This is written by a genderqueer trans person. If you don't like the idea of a non-binary Light Hope, please close out of this fic and go read something that won't upset you.
> 
> * * *
> 
> The worldbuilding in this is a bit vague, but it goes like this: 
> 
> I imagine that when it comes to "medical interventions" in the SPOP universe, the First Ones probably had ones that were more akin to surgical interventions--maybe permanent, maybe not, always requiring extra equipment, as well access to a magical practitioner and a source of magical energy. This access would probably require being part of the military/other magic-extraction efforts in some capacity.
> 
> Etheria, on the other hand, I headcanon as having a lot more herbal things--more similar to compounds available in plants like nettle, or tobacco, etc. "Strongwood" is not a real herb, but there are real plants that are used by trans and non-binary people (with medical supervision, an abundance of caution, and careful research) to influence hormone levels.
> 
> Thanks to [Tyellas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyellas/gifts) for coming up with the "strongwood" name. <3
> 
> * * *
> 
> You might also notice that this fic is categorized as both "F/F" and "Other". I'm personally Not A Fan of categorizing pairings that involve non-binary characters as "Other" (it's a bit, well, _othering_ ), and I wouldn't categorize this as "F/F", either, although I felt like I needed to include it as it's the closest humanizing (as well as explicitly romantic) option. But I'm not sure how to categorize it in a way that feels respectful, honestly, with the options available. So. You got both. For the record, I find neither of them satisfying.
> 
> * * *

“Mara?” Hope’s voice comes from behind her. 

“Hm?” Mara turns from the console she’s working at to find Light Hope manifested near the control panel along the opposite wall of the room she’s working in—not far, this deep in the Castle. 

“What is the purpose of Stamon’s experiments with the strongwood herb? It appears he is using it for personal reasons.” 

Mara frowns, closing her work to answer. Of course Hope overheard that conversation; by now Mara should know that Hope is almost always listening, on her ship and in the Castle, whether she’s manifested or not. 

“He’s been looking for an alternative to his re-ups with the Architects. He’s seen some really promising results with strongwood, but it’s a little too early to be sure. Why?” All the information Hope’s asking about is available between his lab work and personnel records, not to mention the amount of conversation Hope has overheard between herself and Stamon. 

Hope hesitates. “I am wondering… What his interest in such things is?” She stops, one corner of her holographic mouth tucking up in a faintly displeased way that seems flawlessly unselfconscious and entirely endearing. “I apologize. I have not found any clear discussions of this in extant literature that is available to me, and have had to conduct some independent analysis on my own in an attempt to contextualize this. You have known Stamon for some time.” 

Mara feels one corner of her mouth twitch. That’s one way of saying it. 

They’d been in the same class at the Academy, where Stamon had decided what his path through the fleet would be: Through the Engineering and Sciences, for its proximity to the Architects—and privileged access to advanced thaumaturgical techniques. 

For the aforementioned personal reasons. Which Hope is now asking about. 

“You’re wondering why he’s doing experiments when he’s got access to the usual channels?” Hope is being unusually vague, which… makes sense, given her self-admitted lack of a frame of reference on the subject. 

And maybe she’s reading things into Hope’s behavior that aren’t there; Hope is deferential and diplomatic by default. 

But there’s something… _wobbly_ about Hope’s behavior here. If she had to put a word to it, she’d say Hope seems _vulnerable_. A little distressed. Almost embarrassed? In Hope’s characteristically strange mix of opacity and programmed imitative behavior that makes her seem so transparent. 

A little grudgingly, she has to admit that Hope’s behavior module _works_. Something about Hope’s manifestation here—and she can’t pin it down to any one thing—makes something in her soften, makes something warm and fierce rise up along her spine. She _has a feeling_ about it, and it’s sometimes a little unsettling how often her feelings about Hope turn out to be correct. 

When she first arrived, it might have made her feel a little manipulated, but now…

She doesn’t know anymore. Does it matter if it’s “real”? What _makes_ it “real” or not? The only thing that matters, her gut is telling her, is the strangely minute tension in Hope’s wrists, one hand grasping the other. The averted gaze. 

When did she start noticing this?

Hope nods. “Yes.” 

That, she can answer. “I think he just doesn’t like going through the Architects for it. It’s stable, but it has to be refreshed every so often, so if he wants it to be permanent…” She shrugs to indicate her conclusion. “He has to work with the Architects.” 

“I see.” Hope’s voice is thoughtful, almost concerned. Her brows furrow slightly. Mara feels a pang; Hope and Stamon clashed last year when he’d had to help her with a core processing unit repair. Hope doesn’t enjoy those few repairs to her critical infrastructure that she’s unable to conduct on herself. She had been… hostile. 

“What’s the other reason?” Mara prods gently. She can’t quite help the feeling of warmth spreading in her chest, or the slight smile that spreads on her face in response.

Hope hesitates. “It is customary to gender planetary and heuristic intelligence in the feminine.” She says finally. “As it is for starships, land vehicles, aquatic vehicles, stars, planets, and other large cosmic bodies.” 

Huh. 

Mara nods, then makes a face. “I didn’t realize it was that many things.” Or that particular. 

“I have not found it codified anywhere in the literature,” Hope replies. “I ran a semantic analysis of roughly three billion documents available in relevant military, historical, and cultural archives. Masculine-gendered heuristic intelligence significantly occurs mainly in speculative holonovels. Typically as a foil or complement to a more prominent feminine-gendered intelligence.” The expression of mild distaste on Hope’s face makes it perfectly clear in what context they act as foils for each other. “Per my analysis.” 

Mara blinks. She’s not sure why she’s surprised—although… “You’ve done some reading.” 

Hope gives Mara a characteristic quarter-turn of her head. “I would not expect you to have known, either, outside of a colloquial understanding.”

Or that. 

Mara turns this new information over in her head. Racks her brain to bring up the details of those first few conversations she’d had with Stamon about this process. What he’d said, almost… fifteen years ago, now. “Do you not like it?”

“I am a program.” Hope replies readily. “I am neutral on the subject.” 

“Okay. So why the interest?” 

Hope’s head bows forward, and she seems to look down at her—entirely constructed—hands. She’s silent for a moment. “Because,” She says finally, “It is customary to gender planetary and heuristic AI in the feminine.” 

“Sure.” Mara finds her voice coming out gentler without meaning to. “But we don’t _have_ to.” Hope raises her gaze from her hands, but doesn’t look at Mara. “Is that the problem?” 

“In part.” Hope replies. 

“Did you _want_ to try something different?”

Hope’s head inclines towards her, a partial turn. Expression neutral enough that Mara has a feeling she’s put her finger on the issue. “Why would you do that?” 

“Maybe it’d make you more comfortable.” 

“I am always comfortable.” Comes the entirely predictable rejoinder. 

Mara shrugs. “Maybe you’re curious.” 

“Curious.” Hope echoes. “Yes. I suppose I am.” Hope is silent for a few moments—something that Mara’s come to consider a hesitation, though she’s never quite sure. “Why would I be curious?”

Mara can’t quite contain her smile at that. “You don’t need a reason to be curious, Hope.” 

“I am a planetary facilitator program.” Hope replies. “If I am functioning within my parameters, I must have a reason that fits within my directives.” 

“Okay.” She says. “But you don’t always have to know the reason right away, either. There’s lots of reasons.” 

Hope nods. “Perhaps because Stamon’s activities are related to the properties of Etherian wildlife.” 

Mara nods. “Maybe.” 

“It could be useful for me to know.” 

“Definitely.” 

“Could you—“ Light Hope pauses. Finally— “How would you do it?” 

It’s such a simple question, briefly expressed. Hope’s voice sounds strangely quiet. 

The air seems to have vanished from Mara’s lungs. “How would I do what?” 

“How would you— investigate alternate gender arrangements?” 

“Well, I’d probably read a little first.” Mara tries to think. She probably wouldn’t, if she’s being honest, but that might be the easiest way for Hope to get information on the subject. “—Something not in your archives, though. I’m sure Stamon would have some recommendations.” Being a botany nerd, he reads like he’s permanently studying for an exam, when he’s not out in the field. Sometimes even when he _is_ out in the field. She’s sure he’d have _something_. 

And Hope has an immense amount of information available to her—but she is still a military AI. It’s not like they loaded her up with holonovels or literary criticism. She has to go out and find media that was determined to be outside the scope of her duties. 

“What else could we try?” Mara doesn’t miss Hope’s use of _we_ there, and experiences a brief moment of vertigo. 

Stamon had done his own research and more or less told them what he needed when he was ready. Even if Hope doesn’t ask, Mara is _definitely_ going to have some questions for him. 

“Maybe we could… try different pronouns for you? Just between us.” She stammers. “Or maybe you could change your appearance. I know you have a module for that.” 

She’s not sure if she’s jumping the gun, if this is the right place to start with all of this. She’s not even sure if this is the avenue Hope wanted to go down at all. 

And which pronouns should she even _suggest_? She’s heard Stamon use ones she’s never heard of before in passing, talking about other people. But she’s not even sure that she’s ever heard a full _set_ of pronouns other than the standard ones she knows. 

Hope looks at her sidelong. “You are accustomed to this appearance.” 

Mara stammers. “Sure, but if you wanted to try something different—“ Sure, she feels a pang at the thought, but appearance aside, it’d still be _Light Hope_. She’s just gotten attached to this version. Hope has always been capable of a complete, fundamental change of appearance—but she’s only been programmed to do it when someone else asks her to. Not for herself. 

She could get used to something different if that’s what Hope needs. 

“I can alter my appearance over time.” Hope says with a note of finality, and Mara isn’t sure if she should feel the relief that courses through her, or something else. Another moment of hesitation. “I have always been referred to by the same gendered pronouns.” 

“So… you’d like to try that?” 

Hope hesitates, then nods. “I am unsure which to “try.’” 

Mara bites the inside of her cheek. “Well… Stamon went by “they” and “them” for a while before he settled on “he.’” She winces at herself. That can’t be _good_ , can it? The reason _why_ programs are gendered is that they’re _meant_ to be personified. Would something that sounds more neutral be a step backwards? 

But then—she recalls the conversation they had when Hope went through Stamon’s entire personnel file and Mara realized that as a heuristic intelligence Hope is considered "secure by default"—Hope’s creators made sure that Hope knew she wasn’t supposed to be a person, either. 

Hope is still for a moment, processing. Then, “Yes. “They” and “them.’” 

Something releases in Mara’s chest, and she finds herself relaxing, staring at Hope’s profile. Their quiet thoughtfulness. “Okay. “They” and “them.’” 

They smile at her, and Mara’s chest fills.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic brought to you by: Experimenting with different labels is A-OK.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Your mileage may vary on how the pronoun usage feels; what I tried to go with was more of a "Mara uses the pronouns that Light Hope was introduced using until she's told what Light Hope's preferences are". I'm sure there are people who will find this not to their taste, but I think it's descriptive of how a lot of people work when it comes to other peoples' pronouns. 
> 
> And for better or worse, I wrote Mara as a cis person who doesn't know a lot about trans identity apart from her decade-plus friendship with a trans man.
> 
> * * *
> 
> For the record, Light Hope’s explanation of their assigned gender is fairly consistent with a lot of english-language practice around gendering ships (naval ships are generally referred to in the feminine). I extended it to AIs and spaceships for this, but that’s honestly not much of a stretch, especially given trends like Siri and Alexa. Also, planets are ambiguously gendered but tend to be coded feminine (e.g. “Mother Earth”).
> 
> But, I really enjoyed thinking about why Light Hope as an AI might be gendered feminine by custom, and how Light Hope might question that assignment. Since, you know, nascent sense of self and all. 
> 
> Also also, just because I found it funny—I am ABSOLUTELY that trans person who has book recs when people want to ask about gender, so writing Mara as a panicked cis person who’s never thought particularly deeply about this for herself but wants to help her NB/questioning friend was the biggest challenge of this fic for me.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Mara’s reactions are presented here without judgement, and especially after the whole Elliot Page thing I can see how some people might feel uncomfortable with the discomfort Mara expresses at certain points. 
> 
> Watching someone you already have a close relationship with go through a significant change in labels and identity is always an adjustment. Weird feelings or not being sure of your feelings about things is normal. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or the process, just that people are creatures of habit and change can feel uncomfortable even if it’s ultimately good and they're (or you're) ultimately supportive.
> 
> Honestly? Sometimes it’s an adjustment for those of us going through it, too. Mara tries to help Light Hope figure out what they need and what's right for them, and resolves that what's right for them them is more important than what she's used to doing. She's doing it right. <3


End file.
